Families across the country gathered with bated breath, waiting for what might be the most terrifying moment of their lives. It was February 12^th; they had marked it on their calendars a year in advance. The children clung to their parents. The parents held back tears.

“Papa,” the son asks. “Where are they papa?”

The father cries, for he does not know. The M&M’s Spokescandies could be anywhere. He could only hope they were safe.

This story is one you’ve doubtlessly heard no times because it has never happened. No one turned on the Super Bowl LVII just to catch up on the recent candy drama, despite Mars, Incorporated’s rampant attempts to drum up attention in the form of their Maya Rudolph-helmed commercials. The commercials followed a recent string of M&M’s flavored controversy, including the changing of a green candy’s shoes and the forced retirement of various chocolate orbs with eyes. But rest assured, your favorite sugar globs are here to stay, as was determined in Mars’ Super Bowl commercial.

The saga begins with the fated picture: the shoes. Two of the spokescandies now wear different shoes than they once wore. Instead of heels, one wears sneakers and the other wears wedges. Terrified? No? Tucker “Miserable, Non-Binary Candy Is All We Deserve” Carlson was furious. M&M’s loyalists made their displeasure known. This isn’t to say that fans of the brand should be ignored, but so much of the conversation was focused on a green M&M’s 2-inch height difference now that her go-go boots had been stolen. M&M’s relished in the attention and distraction against the child slavery lawsuit being brought against them. 

But the horror only worsened from there. Announced on the M&M’s Twitter account on January 23, our precious candies were forced to take an “indefinite pause”; an undeniably cruel fate to push on a few chocolate balls. There was outrage across the world. People cried (on Twitter). People screamed (on Twitter). But the candies were gone: replaced instead by Maya Rudolph. News articles about the fate of the spokescandies spread like wildfire, as this was most definitely the most pressing news going on at the time. What happened next was anyone’s guess.

It began with a commercial announcing that every M&M would come with Rudolph’s face printed on one side. Perhaps it was here that the public began to realize the possibility that this was all a stunt to draw people to colorful chocolate blobs. Maybe this epiphany followed the next announcement that the brand would be renamed “Ma-ya’s”, or when the new clam-filled M&M’s graced screens. But it was impossible to ignore in the fated Super Bowl commercial, when during what was certainly an attempt at a humorous take on Rudolph’s hire, the red spokescandy held up a sign reading “HELP!”. This was the signal that we had all been duped. All this drama and conflict was just to push their candy down our throats.

Jokes aside, the M&M’s fiasco of 2023 was a marketing ploy to bring attention to Mars’s ever-expanding line of candy-coated treats. The spokescandies are officially reinstated as the company mascots, and Rudolph has become only a memory in M&M’s story. Only time will tell whether the M&M’s brand will once again change candy history, but for now, all has returned to what it once was (except for the shoes).

Article by Zoey Mueller