Fighting the urge to say ‘yes’ to everything in college

In college, especially early on, it’s easy to become a ‘yes’ machine.

I remember my first freshman Student Activities Fair, in which I eagerly signed up for any group that wanted to talk to me as I passed their booth. Most of the groups I had no anticipation in ever participating in; however, I didn’t want to seem rude and tell the eager student ‘no.’

However, as I took on more academic and work responsibilities (read: 3 on campus jobs,in addition to 3 off-campus jobs at one point) and built deeper friendships with the people around me, I realized I was spreading myself too thin.

My inbox was full of meeting reminders and activity invites, but it seemed like my collection of meaningful connections on campus was empty. 

The very first group that I found on campus that, in every cheesy way, made me feel like I belonged was DUkes: Drury’s ukulele club. It was pretty hard not to make friends and fit in with the other vibrant, funny, and passionate individuals in the club, and not to feel included under the leadership of Dr. Maxson and his wife/ukulele shredder Karen. 

Once I found a few groups like DUkes that I could really invest myself in, it became much easier for me to realize exactly where I fit in on campus, and to make time for the things I was actually passionate about.

Fighting the guilt of saying ‘no’

As a person who has been on both sides of the Student Activities table, I can assure you that if you politely decline an offer to join a group, participate in an activity, or sign up for emails, no one is going to hate you forever. 

I think that college students want to please everyone in some way–at school with grades, at work with taking on more hours and at home with trying to balance family time. Unfortunately, all of these stressors at once can be a little overwhelming, and the things that are supposed to be fun become more like work.

You don’t have to feel bad about saying ‘no!’ Sometimes, it is absolutely necessary for your mental or emotional health, grades, or physical health. Other times, it is necessary in order to maintain valuable relationships with the people that you love.

However, sometimes you simply don’t need a reason. You can say no because you want to say no. To me, realizing that I didn’t have to have an elaborate reason for not wanting to do something was somewhat empowering.

After all, when you find what you are deeply passionate about and the activities and the people you genuinely enjoy, it’s less like saying ‘no’ to the things you don’t want to do, and more like saying ‘yes’ to the things you truly love. 

Article written by Olivia Thompson.