The Area 51 raid was a meme created by Matty Roberts on June 27. After listening to an episode of The Joe Rogan Experience discussing conspiracy theories, Roberts created the Facebook event “Storm Area 51, They Can’t Stop Us All.” The description explained, “If we Naruto run, we can move faster than their bullets. Lets see them aliens.”

For whatever reason, the event gained massive traction. The page died with over 100 thousand likes. Memes spread faster than chlamydia at a music festival. Celebrities claimed to be joining the event. It was supposed to be the event of the millennium.

But nothing happened. Such a massive let down. Tissue sales rose exponentially due to the sobbing. Musicians looked to outdo “Miss American Pie.” Writers for student newspapers desperately searched for something to write about.

Here’s an angle: let those two weebs you arrested go. About 100 people showed up to party in Nevada. Of those, a couple tried to infiltrate the compound itself to free our green brothers and sisters. Two of those people were arrested. Didn’t push their arms back far enough, I suppose.

Our fallen brethren are freedom fighters. Their goal was simply to help those wrongfully imprisoned escape. A noble goal by any standard. A true modern civil rights movement, one
might say.

What reason would anyone have to support the further imprisonment of the innocent?

These were brave, anime loving individuals who took it upon themselves to protect those who no one else would against a tyrannical government who sought to destroy the rights of the foreign.

And because of their noble duty, they are now rotting away in a cell in Nevada, the 11th worst state.
So let my people go, Nevada. Their only sin was caring too much about other people. Not even people; other life forms they’ve never seen but know deserve freedom. They are the
most selfless people.

I’m calling for a raid of every jail and prison in Lincoln County, Nevada. On October 20, let’s Tom Cruise run into all the holding facilities and set all the prisoners free. We’ll show our
fellow hentai-loving boys what we’re made of. Or you, the government, could set them free yourselves. Because at the end of the day, if you had nothing to hide, you’d have had nothing to
fear.

Article written by Jacob Maher.